What’s Worse Than Your 8yo Telling You That You Look Like a Hooker? When She’s Right

After seeing this pic of the night, I’m thinkin’ she’s a wise wise 8 year old!

I was getting ready to go out for my birthday, a night I think we can all agree warrants a little more bling than the other 364 days of the year, when my 8-year-old daughter walked into my closet.

“Mommy, you look snazzy!”

“Snazzy, huh? That’s a good word. I feel snazzy.”

G-d, that kid is cute, I thought to myself, as I slipped on my snazzy stilettos.

“Yeah, Mom, you look like a hooker!”

Here’s where you should insert the sound effect of a record being scratched to a halt, in the middle of a beautiful ballad.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You look like a hooker,” she said again — sweet as candy.

Look, I know a teachable moment when I hear one, but I’m not gonna lie, there was a part of me dying to say, “Really, you think? I feel like sequins are totally acceptable, if not called for, on your B-day!”

I refrained, and tackled the issue at hand, vowing to spend some time figuring out which inappropriate YouTube video, Disney XD show, or movie taught her that word.

“Honey, you can’t use that word. 1. it’s inappropriate, and 2. it’s not a compliment … unless your mom’s a stripper, of course.  But even then, I think ‘hooker’ may be derogatory.” (OK, I didn’t say the last part, but it’s an interesting query for Ask.com.)

“OK, sorry, Mom. I meant it in a good way.”

“Well, if anyone can call me a hooker and get away with it, it’s you, Sweetie.”

She tried again.

“Mom, you look like a skinny Kardashian,” she told me, using a line she got directly from The Neighbors.

That’s it! This needs to be taken care of ASAP! First I find out which Kardashian, then I build that kid a bubble!

“Honey, you can’t say that either because then you’re implying that you could only be pretty when you’re skinny.” (Seriously, where is Oprah when you need her?)

“Fine, you look like any Kardashian. I think they’re all pretty.”

“Thank you, baby (I think),” I said, giving her a hug.

Then I walked over to my hubby, mostly to tell him the story, but also to ask, “Do I look like a hooker or a skinny Kardashian?”

“A little bit of both,” he replied without hesitation.

“Mission accomplished.”

Originally published for my column at TheStir for CafeMom.com

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11 thoughts on “What’s Worse Than Your 8yo Telling You That You Look Like a Hooker? When She’s Right

  1. PinotNinja

    (1) A+ outfit. You’re totally not treading on hooker territory because you observed the cardinal rule of pairing your spangly mini with a basic blank tank — everyone knows that is how classy girls do it. Also, its South Florida, so someone is always showing more skin than you.

    (2) This begs the question what is the difference between a hooker and a skinny Kardashian? Because I’m pretty sure that they both earn a regular paycheck by overexposing themselves.
    PinotNinja recently posted…Visiting my Hair Stylist and Going to Vegas Are Kind of the Same ThingMy Profile

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