Last week, I took a trip to the Apple store. Oh, the Apple store. It’s like a Dylan’s Candy Bar for adults. Like it’s namesake, in the Garden of Eden, or in the hands of Snow White’s evil stepmother, APPLE was so inviting… so enticing. There it was, in all of its overcrowded, 8 gazillion watt minimalistic splendor. Continue reading
Everyone loves to tell you how to get rid of stubborn fat, like it’s so easy. “Put down the donut.” “Go to the gym.” “Be less stressed.” “Drink 30 gallons of water each day.” “Get 23 hours of sleep.” “Cut out carbs.” “Do cardio all day, everyday.”
There, now you have everything you need to get thin and svelte. You’re welcome.
So, what are you waiting for? Have you lost any of that fat yet? No? How about now? Still no? Sheesh, you’re lazy!
Oh, you have a life and you’re busy? What, you work? You have kids and they have busy lives too? You’ve tried all that stuff and realized that after having babies and dealing with the Earth’s gravitational pull for so many years; there are certain areas or pockets of fat that no amount of sit-ups, juice fasts, miracle creams, or vitamins can fix?
Why didn’t you say so? Because we’re not having an actual conversation, you say? Got it, I also get that these areas you speak of (well, I’m speaking of) contain the kind of bulge that doesn’t like to budge. So, what’s a gal to do? (I imagine you asking.)
Well, I researched like a maniac for column at SmartBeauty, and holy crap, there are a ton of options and they seem to be getting better by the minute. They’re already using fat dissolving injections and I’m pretty sure, at this rate, we’ll be able to eat a fat dissolving candy bar within the next decade, maybe within the hour (I should try a candy bar and see if it works).
Here are the best FDA-Approved options currently available from Cool Sculpt, to ultrasound, to radio frequency to new injections.
This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of The Home Depot. But frankly, I would have done it for free (well, don’t tell them that).
I’ve lived in South Florida on and off for over 20yrs. In that time I’ve had quite a few scares. I went through Andrew my sophomore year of college. Though I didn’t take it very seriously, I recall emptying perfectly good food and drinks out of my fridge to make room for beer and chilled vodka. Brilliant, huh? Well I was taught quite a lesson when a window basically imploded and shot across my room at gut level, missing me by a matter of inches. I would never disregard the danger of a hurricane again.
Yes, that was a wake up call. So were the lines for gas, the curfews, the lack of electricity and water … and we had it easy. Our apartment was still standing and livable. Our things, though a bit waterlogged, were still usable … recognizable.
With Katrina crushing the Gulf and Sandy hitting so far North last year, it’s fair to say, those on the East and Gulf Coast certainly won’t feel any safer than those of us in “Cane Country”. Continue reading
Recently, on a road trip to Disney, I was rummaging through the contents of the arm rest compartment for some tissues when I realized the old maxi pad, that had somehow gotten stuck to the inside, would have to be peeled off to sub in for some Kleenex. Plus it had wings, which would make for easy clean-up.
I looked at my mother and said, “We need to invent some kind of portable tool that has all the necessary mommy accoutrements to tackle any parenting task.”
Because we had been on the road a while and we were slap-happy and also listening to a Bratz movie… for the fourth time, we made a list of all the things said contraption would need.
So here are the results of our brainstorming session. I give you … the Swiss Mommy Knife:
1. An extra arm – I can be walking with a phone to my ear, a latte, a purse, a laundry basket, and groceries resting on my hip … and one of my kids will still attempt to hand me an empty juice box. Clearly two arms just aren’t enough.
2. A sibling separator – No matter how much they need to be apart, they somehow magnetize back to each other and continue to argue slap, and tease. This device should be something with a little bite — like a bug zapper or a taser.
3. An elevator backer-offer – I’m thinking some kind of stick-like poker that lets people know your kids will get to push the stupid buttons on the elevator. Regardless of their age, that is somehow the most important thing they get to do all day … well, unless there’s an escalator around somewhere. Continue reading
OK, without going into too much medical mumbo-jumbo, I’m supposed to have a new healthy diet, which includes cutting out most carbohydrates. Not fruits and veggies, but Starchy Carbs – like pasta, cereal, rice, baked goods, potatoes, and grains (YES, even if they’re made with yummy grains and oats and the gluten that comes with them). And Sugary Carbs — like desserts, sodas, juices, and sweets.
So, I shall explain what I’ve learned about these carbs and why they are so truly “sucky” and unhealthy (unless you do a ton of anaerobic activity), in this little vignette where the carbs are the hot guy from high school/college who you so desperately wanted — who can resist carb talk and 80s humor? (Be Warned: I’m a Gen Xer so my references may be dated).
It starts like this: First, you see the hot guy (donut, multigrain bagel, bbq potato chip, bowl of whole wheat spaghetti) and you think, Oooooh you’re cute, I totally want you. Your heart beats a bit faster and you do your best to impress. Now, I realize no one needs to impress a donut to eat it, though I will admit there are times I tell the donut how I’ve worked out earlier that day, in hopes that it doesn’t think I’m a gluttonous slob.
Hot Guy is up for a little conversation – you take a bite. (I mean of the donut, not the guy — this is a comparison remember?) You love your little tête-à-tête and you want more, you crave more, your body can’t get enough (Oh that’s because carbohydrates raise insulin, which then lowers blood sugar, which causes a craving for more food.) So you talk a little more to Hot Guy and you trade digits! (Trust me the donut’s already got your number).
SCORE, you’re on a high (your adrenal glands are pumping out adrenaline and cortisol and you feel chipper and awake). You can’t wait to get a ring on your new Panasonic speakerphone with something called “speed dial” and a 20 number memory!!! You’d like to call him, but you’re gonna have a little will power here because you know how to play it cool Continue reading
Me and about 200,000 other people had this brilliant idea to spend Spring Break at Walt Disney World. Sure, we could’ve done something more relaxing — like sky diving, but we chose this destination because we like lines. Love lines. Love the way that by simply roping off lines into a maze like snake shape so one could walk nearly a mile without ever leaving a room.
OK, lines make me insane, I can truly only half pay attention to anyone as I’m busily trying to assess how fast we’re moving and how much time we have left. While standing in the first line of the day, my daughter asked who played Mickey Mouse. “I don’t know. I guess Walt Disney was the first Mickey, but not anymore, he’s dead.” Maybe I should’ve thought out my response because my daughter’s reaction was to scream, O M G, MICKEY MOUSE IS DEAD??!! There are no rules in Disney about what you can and cannot say, but I’m gonna guess if there were that would literally top the chart. Holy crap. I’ve never seen so many chipper little happy faces fall into frowns and tears so quickly, as moms struggled to do damage control while intermittently giving me the stink eye.
Sadly, it went down hill from there. I began to suffer what I call “line dementia,” that’s when crazy shit comes out of your mouth simply to fill time and to mess with your children for your personal amusement — it’s somewhat of a survival tactic. Continue reading