Comments on: License to Procreate

By: Gary

Gary — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 20:05:54 +0000

Got my interest from the start and I laughed all the way through it!

By: rachy

rachy — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 18:59:27 +0000

if there were to be a formal licensing process, i would recommend a “trainee” program:
1) include haz mat training, say by getting the “dirty jobs” guy to show how to contain runny poopy diaper stuff
2) include a physical trainer so you can do the 25 yr. sprint faster than your 3rd old when she breaks free of your hand and is headed into traffic
3) include upper body building so you can carry a 35-lb. sleeping toddler on one hip while doing other chores and keeping the other kids under control
4) implant mini-cams in the back of your head, so that mom really does have eyes in the back of her head
5) and teach both parents to learn patience immediately! (this is as applicable to the 2-yr. old having a meltdown in the middle of the mall and the 17-yr. old who wrecked the car)
well, if a couple can master these things, the rest of parenting should be a breeze.

By: Kirk

Kirk — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 20:25:27 +0000

Firstly:
1) I love your ‘stuff’.
2) However, as the product of a wild and crazy Christmas Eve party myself…where would you install this “Mommy Aptitude” screening device?….it would probably have to be at the entrance to the vagina and work independently of the owner…LOL… Enough said.

Looking forward to your next column
Kirk

By: Patty Mooney

Patty Mooney — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 21:44:27 +0000

An enjoyable read. My mom always used to say that people should have to go to school and get a degree to have a baby. This was back in the 70′s. I always thought she was right on about that. Too many people who shouldn’t be parents, procreating and spawning creatures like John Gardner who recently murdered two young girls. Children who are brought upon this planet should all be passionately desired, and both parents (+the community) should raise them not to be entitled brats. I’ve done my part by NOT having ANY. Rather than push girls into motherhood simply because it’s the cultural “norm,” girls should be encouraged to make a considered choice. So many people have kids who really should not.

(By the way, part of your piece is on a white background and part’s on the slanted checkerboard which makes it difficult to read.)

By: Susan at Working Moms Against Guilt

Susan at Working Moms Against Guilt — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 20:16:03 +0000

I’ve always wondered about this myself. Not so much for me, though. Other people. You know. The bad ones.

By: Judi C

Judi C — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 05:54:55 +0000

Gretch– that’s hilarious! You’re an amazing writer! jc

By: Rajean

Rajean — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 03:20:57 +0000

Sadly, this must explain why I’m an only child. My mother still can’t return the library books on time. She also returns Redbox DVD’s to the library often.

I shall share by tweeting, it’s somewhat like sharing a cold without the nasal drainage.

By: Robert Moskowitz

Robert Moskowitz — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:40:59 +0000

Way to pick the low-hanging fruit. Yes, there should be a license to procreate. Just tell me how we’re gonna enforce it? Confiscate your va-jay-jay and his lollipop until you both get a passing grade on the written exam?

The plain fact of the matter is that some 4-5 billion of the people on this planet have been and/or are being horribly abused, at least emotionally, if not physically, psychologically, financially, environmentally, and legally. And most of the rest of us get a major taste of the same thing.

This is not to say we should just grin and bear it. Oh no. But there’s no point in polemicizing about stopping all births until we finish the training on how to parent.

Instead, we oughta be working on the positive side of things.

One possibility: making parenting a kind of “trust” — like lawyers or financial planners handling your affairs and your money — with a code of ethics, an enforcement body, and plenty of prestige.

Your thoughts?

By: Bob Kalsey

Bob Kalsey — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:06:45 +0000

Funny stuff, Jenny, and well written.

If they’d asked my mother-in-law, she’d have said we should get a puppy or two instead. So it’s a good thing they didn’t. Puppies are such trouble but, then again, they don’t have kennels for kids when you need to get away. But then again, again, the relatives are happier to take in a kid for a day or two than a dog. At least, any dog I’ve ever had.

I’m against testing for parenthood, though. Tests tend to foster conformity. That’s a good thing for driving, so the majority of people drive on the right (correct) side of the road most of the time. But for something as important as parenting we need all the diversity, all the new and old ideas we can get.

It is amazing that we muddle through. Sometimes we succeed, sometimes we fail, mostly we do the best we can and that’s good enough.

If I were you, though, I’d cut out the heroin. It takes a real bite out of the tuition budget.

But keep up the humor; that’s the best skill a parent ever had.

By: Bjørn

Bjørn — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:52:37 +0000

Hi Jenny,

Some parents DO actuelly have to pass several tests: adoptive parents. In Denmark we have a very thorough system. The intention is to secure the child, which is adopted. You have to attend a 4 days course, talk several times with the social workers, your economy is investigated, your health is checked etc. etc.

It is tough to go through, but the result is totally worth every moment when you are permitted (blessed) to adopt a child.

By: 10 Resolutions I Can Actually Keep -the funniest most relatable article you’ve read all year! | The Suburban Jungle

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:15:18 +0000

[...] come to this article, I apologize. I don’t know why that just went out! Feel free to read License to Procreate, if you haven’t read it, and I will try and figure out the technical shit that baffles me [...]

By: L. C. Sterling

L. C. Sterling — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 17:08:53 +0000

Good one, Jenny. There’s a line in a Lawrence Ferlinghetti poem: “wearing pants, making babies.” Making them is the easy part. Being a parent … that’s tough.