Yesterday 253 people visited my blog, which is a personal triumph for me considering my stats the day before were 3. So I thought now would be a good time to introduce you to the blog. Blog…People, People…Blog. Now that the formalities are out of the way I’ll tell you a bit about what to expect from Blog.
I am a neurotic mother of two amazing, wonderful, brilliant, perfect children which is saying a lot ‘cause I am a really tough critic. They have to sing for their supper kinda stuff… well at least ask… well at least grunt. Actually, they just sit and I make multiple meals until one is worthy of their sophisticated taste buds and doesn’t exacerbate their fear of burnt spots, crust, pizza bubbles, or food that touches other food. I live in a sheltered little suburb which I like to compare to the Truman Show. The bikers travel in perfectly dressed packs and the runners never sweat; they’re all just on a loop.
Most likely you’ll find that you and I are a lot alike. I have a husband who’s often little more than a roommate (a great roommate that pays the rent and supports my shopping habit). However, to earn such moola he commutes an hour to North Boca leaving at 5:30AM and arriving home between 7 and 8 in the evening. We get less than an hour a day to talk, most of which I spend nagging or just plain in awe of his ineptitude and suckiness. “I love you Monkey!” But seriously wait till you read some of the stuff he does.
Like you I have crazy neighbors who do lovely things like leave anonymous letters in my mailbox and ask that my child’s carpool not beep in the morning as their older children like to sleep in. Like you I have crazy friends who are teetering on divorce, having affairs, start pourin’ the Mommy juice at noon, or act like they’re still in the 7th grade. Like you I have cellulite begging me to stop wearing short shorts, laugh lines screaming for restylane, crows feet crying for botox, and spend far too much money trying to look dewy. You and I have a Cinderella complex, penis envy, and buyers remorse. G-d we have a lot of problems don’t we? Let’s just take a quick break to call our therapists.
This blog is about all of the above plus daily observations about all those mundane little things that given a little attention seem odd and humorous; like repeating a simple word when you’re high until it loses all meaning. Please, if you haven’t taken the time to read the other posts do so and leave your email on my subscribe link to get notification of new posts. Welcome to the JUNGLE!
P.S. If you like what you read please pass a link to every person you have ever emailed in your life. Also, I am offering a sizable reward for great contacts towards my goal of getting a column or freelance work. If I already owe you money, “The check’s in the mail.”