I Cheated on My Husband with Christian Grey

Why reading Fifty Shades causes more bickering… and better sex.
“.. He’s kept us company until all hours of the night. He’s been a part of our dreams, our fantasies and ultimately he’s set the standard for our poor hubby’s, unattainably high…”

Last Saturday night, on our weekly date, my husband (who is not the man in the pic on your left) pulled into a parking spot and walked around to my side of the car, (as it was on the way to the restaurant). I sat in my seat, not budging.  He looked at me through the window about a foot from the door and said, “Whatcha’ waiting for, c’mon let’s go.”

Of course, I was waiting for him to open said door, but he actually yelled through it – with exaggerated mime like hand motions instead.  I pulled the handle and exited with a huff.

“Why can’t you be more like Christian Grey?” I said, in the same way my daughter says things like,  “Why can’t you be more like Jessie’s mom?  She keeps ice cream cones in her house,” or “Why can’t we live with Julia’s?  Her family has stairs.”

Yep, after having failed the many Grey tests I’d administered the last couple weeks, much to my hubby’s chagrin, I finally gave in to the frustrations that started building the moment I opened the Fifty Shades series.  As if I don’t nag enough about remembering trash day or putting dishes in the sink, I had to air this doozy of a grievance?

WHY CAN’T MY HUSBAND BE MORE LIKE CHRISTIAN GREY?

There’s no answer to such a ridiculous gripe.  I guess the hubby could respond the way I do with my daughter, “Well, if Christian Grey is so great, why don’t you go live with him?”

But, somehow I don’t think that’s the answer and not just because he’s a fictional character, but because I’d totally take him up on it if he wasn’t so darn, well, made-up.

Let’s be honest here, he’s not just a fictional character, he’s the man that millions of women across America have been having a torrid affair with, myself included.  He’s kept us company until all hours of the night.  He’s been a part of our dreams, our fantasies and ultimately he’s set a standard for our poor hubby’s, unattainably high, which is why our men are getting a bit jealous and our fuses are getting a bit short.

Why are so many women cheating with Christian?  You may think it’s because of what’s being called “Mommy Porn,” but I have a feeling we see a lot more to the books than nipple clamps and metal balls.  In fact, I think many women liked the books in spite of some of those things. Look, 98% of the time we’re cleaning spills, carting the kids to sports or dance class, trying to hide vegetables in things that we call “brownies” and harboring some resentment toward our hubby’s.  Oh, and did I mention many of us work too?

This is our 2%, our break, our escape, our acceptable infidelity.  While the neglected laundry, dishes, and errands pile up, we’re falling in love with the perfect man.  The kind of man who can’t take his eyes off us, wants us to always be happy, warm, well fed, and donning the trendiest duds.  The kind of many who’s supermodel hot and Mark Zuckerberg rich.  The kind of man who’s utterly obsessed with us.

Whether we would really like this type of overwhelmingly smothering man while we’re trying to get the children fed, bathed and tucked into bed, is of little concern, as he doesn’t exist.

So men, forgive us if we want to see a bit more of him in you.  I mean, it’s a small thing to ask that you look at us the way you once did, open a door or two, and maybe read a book about our new lover.  He’s the one you can thank for the sudden spike in our sex life.

If you love the books… love this article… love the blog Check out my other favorite Christian Grey piece: A Parody – What it Would REALLY be Like to be Married to Christian Grey
For everyone else – no more CG for a while, I promise.

 

66 thoughts on “I Cheated on My Husband with Christian Grey

  1. Tonya

    Oh Christian *sigh*. If only…although if I were to be totally honest, his stalkerish obsessive tendencies would irritate me. Quickly.

    Reply
  2. WeezaFish

    Fantasy is exactly that, and if it stays that way it can never irritate. Like we all know, sadly, Christian would in real life. I’ve never waited for my Hubby to open the door, if I’m not quick enough he’s off ahead to the restaurant without me! But he does sometimes sneak chocolate into the shopping trolley for me to find when I’m unpacking the groceries. I’m SO okay with that kind of romance.

    Reply
  3. Cara(Eli)

    I don’t know who Mr Grey is as I haven’t read those books, but I get what you mean and agree. I’ve fantasized about the Lords of the Underworld guys and they house demons. If they really existed, I’d hide in the nearest church praying for my life, but hells bells! they make for gorgeous fantasy lovers!

    Reply
  4. J

    I AM married to a Christian Grey and yes, it is overwhelming and smothering. He’s hot in jeans, obsessed with me, and loves to just stare and smell me. It’s not as great as you’d think if you don’t have the billions of dollars behind it all to cover the practical and real day to day things!

    Reply
  5. Brandi George-Arcos via Facebook

    I hope pattinson doesn’t play this part in the movie. I just finished the first book and I seriously think this is the adult twilight. So many similarities between both series. Clumsy girl,rich controlling stalker guy, close best friend who’s in love with her. This has everything twilight didn’t have for the adults. Definitely going to buy the other 2 books today!

    Reply
  6. mara

    All I can say is that my hubs wanted to send EL James flowers. And, while I never bothered comparing my husband to Christian Grey from a gallantry perspective, there are some similarities I have to change in the closet, i.e. not bite my lip, or else it just leads to trouble, and let me tell you, while I’m glad my husband still thinks I’m hot after 2o years together, the adoration gets annoying, especially when there are three kids walking around the house.

    Reply
  7. jade

    Can you try replacing Rob Pattinsons’s photo with Henry Cavill? Just for a little while? Please? LOL

    I love R.P., but I don’t see him as C. Grey at all! Love the article. ;)

    Reply
  8. Rachel

    I mean why should I be upset that my husband is home sick with a cold and I am feeding kids and shlepping AND no one is worried that I may faint from exhaustion at any moment?

    Listen – christian is MINE!

    Reply
  9. Bari

    I’m not getting it… Grey is a complete control freak. He may be great in bed and out but why not just opt for that and avoid the pain. You can’t change anyone!!! But you can get hurt. I was angry with him at times for causing pain but honestly I enjoyed the book just the same.

    Reply
  10. SoCalGirl

    I wish Rob would play Fifty!! Of course, I read this when it was Master of the Universe & of course it starred Edward & Bella, not Christian & Anastasia. Still love Fifty Shades but MotU (& Edward Cullen, CEO) will always have my heart!!

    Reply
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  12. Mandy Cochrane

    I first read your post yesterday Jenny, and having never heard of Christian Grey, went straight off to Amazon for a looksee. 24 hours later, with bags under my eyes and a Kindle battery on its last legs, I’m hooked. Part of me’s pulling it to pieces because if the book has even seen an editor, he/she needs a little taste of Christian’s punishment (“Oh, my!”), but the rest of me is melting…and cursing the fact that my hubby is away from home for the next three weeks!

    Reply
  13. Jennifer June

    “He’s the one you can thank for the sudden spike in our sex life.”

    Brilliant. I mean, seriously.

    And also, I would have just waited in the car until the door opened. But I’m a baby that way.

    Reply
  14. Andrea Summer

    Rob P would never be Christian. I was really disappointed that they even made him Edward. He skeeves me out!

    Reply
  15. WENDY

    I am re-reading the series for the second time. I found after a few weeks I missed my Christian fix too much and decided to go for an encore! It is poorly written, and somewhat repetitive (who really WANTS to have sex that much!?), but what a great Cinderella story. We all want to be wanted, and most women want to think they can “save” the right guy just with their love. Mommy porn or not, it has definitely put a pep in my step! Laters, baby!

    Reply
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  17. ace

    I can’t tell you how hard I have laughed at your GC articles!
    The writing is so creative and spot on. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone in suburbia!

    Reply
  18. liza

    i have read the 1st 2 books in 3 days and im onto the 3rd. My husband thinks all of his christmases have come at once, sorry about the pun!
    I think the underlying gist of the story resonates with a lot of females, we are all tuned in to a man being “in control” but with the advance of feminism, men and women have settled for equality. this is obviously a good thing, but we can still have our fantasies, and if you can have a bit of it for real in your marriage, then go for it!

    Reply
  19. Sara

    These books totally caused a couple fights with my husband because he thought I was trying to turn him into this guy in the book. However, I do agree with Wendy….the books were a bit repetitive by the end and I almost skipped over the sex parts. It seemed like a triple x version of twilight.

    Reply
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  21. Tracey @ Don't Mess with Mama

    I just found this post and OMG. You are right on the money. I’ve been Greysessed myself and blogging about him like crazy. I’m sure everyone is sick of me talking about him but I just can’t. I too have been testing my husband and he’s nothing like Christian Grey – which I guess is good in real life but sometimes I just want my fantasy to come true. My husband could care less if I rolled my eyes at him or bite my lip. And believe me I’ve been doing a lot of it. I think we’ll all need a support group after this.

    Reply
  22. Vashih

    Oh I so agreed with you ladies xxx Christian has mesmerised us all. If only, if only he was real – there would be more than one Leila and he would need a couple of Taylors and Sawyers – Lol – I have fallen in love again – the question is with whom??? Also am doing the rolling of the eyes and biting the lips thingy -dont think its working though. Mmh -what about the touching of face the jaw line, the earlobes – that seemed to get me some where last nite – so ladies don’t despair try some of the tricks we may find a CG in hubby **grins**

    Reply
  23. Josh

    I am torn with this book. My sex life has been cold for a long time and I have tried all of the romantic things to entice my beautiful wife to want me, and things haven’t changed. I got her to read this book after a coworker talked about it. After she started reading it she seemed to want sex and this was completely new to me as I said before, things have been very cold in the past when it comes to sex. The sex was now hot and what I have wanted for a long time, but it seemed to be for the wrong reasons why it was happening. I wanted her to want to have sex with me because of something I have done. Basically I wanted her to want me for me, the hopeless romantic father of our 2 children. I am not perfect, and I know this. I also know that my wife is not perfect either. I love my wife so much it hurts and I can still tell you all of the reasons I fell in love with her, from her smile, to her infectious laugh. It was the whole package. I knew the moment I met my wife that she was the one for me. I think the problem that we have is that we have forgotten what it was like to fall in love and flirt with each other like we did before. Some of the commments I see on this are the reasons why I have been fuming over this. “He’s the one you can thank for the sudden spike in our sex life.” “I have fallen in love again – the question is with whom??? ”

    Instead of trying to “Change your Man” into Christian Grey, how about you think back to the things that you fell in love with and remember that you have changed as well, not just us men.

    If I am way off base with this please tell me why. I have been infatuated with trying to figure out why women love these books so much, and other than wishing they had a “Christian Grey” at home, I don’t have any clue. I mean wouldn’t you get upset at us if we needed to watch a Jenna Jameson porno to be able to want to have sex with you?

    Reply
    1. J

      Well said, Josh. It may have started you both on the right path to something new though..and isn’t it obvious, something HAD to change one way or the other. You should tell your wife how you feel and make sure she still wants to get back to the “two” of you when the fantasy wears off. Of course women want him at home..he’s a bazillion-aire! Poof, all of our duties have been handled :)

      Reply
  24. Josh

    I had a good discussion with my wife last night and she made me realize that it was not Christian Grey that she was wishing she had, but that it reminded her of the way our relationship used to be and made her want to be closer to me again. I feel like it may have opened the door again to starting our relationship over and getting back to the two of us versus being just a Mother and Father only. It is a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders and we were able to talk about things and get things out in the open that wasn’t easy to do in the past. This book has been a help, but ladies again just remember that Christian Grey is not real and that you fell in love with your spouse for a reason and just need to find that spark again, I feel like I have now!

    Reply
  25. BlackCookie

    I had to laugh aloud at your post. It’s so true and I’m glad I’m not reading off another blog on some prude who’s going on about how bad the book is. I miss Christian so much that I kept going back to re-read the book because I was to be “with him”. This is obsessive but I can’t help it. I’m in love…

    Reply
  26. Dee

    I am so totally in love with him to. I even had my husband read some pages and told him these are things women love. Looking at us. Thinking we are beautiful when we wake up. And even noticing when we get attention.

    Reply
    1. Josh

      To all of the women who are “in love” with Christian Grey. From a husbands perspective, posts like this make us feel like we are not good enough. For us that have been married for a long time, things can change over time and both husband and wife need to make sure that we are meeting the needs of our partners. I am sure if your husbands were honest and open with you they would tell you things that have changed about you from when you were first married, sex frquency is probably one of them from experience. The key to getting your husbands to do the things that you fell in love with before is to let them know. A relationship can stall but it is good communication that can pull us out of that. Let your spouse know what you miss in your relationship. Let them know what turns you on and what doesn’t. Communication goes both ways and if there is good communication, husband and wife can cater to the needs of each other. Fall back in love with your husband, not Christian Grey, Utilize the book to remember what you miss in a your relationship and communicate that to your spouse, it will help you both in the long run!

      Reply
      1. Carol

        Communication is key! My husband and I have been married 40+ years. We still have a (reasonably) active sex life, but he’s not a “talker”. I realized that most of the things in the book that really turned me on were the conversations/emails, that hinted/promised things to come. Women love to be told they’re beautiful, that their man is so overcome with desire that he can’t keep his hands off you, that he’s thinking about you, etc. My husband has started to read the books, and I hope to show him that talking can be very erotic!

        Reply
  27. Josh

    How do women not know what a man wants? It goes both ways and everyone needs to realize that. Just as a man might stop doing things a woman might enjoy, a woman might forget about what her man likes? Look at Anastasia for example, how many of you treat your men as she does Christian? Yes men are more sexual in their thinking, but it doesn’t make it less important in a relationship.

    Reply
    1. Carol

      Right on, Josh. We women need to ask our men to communicate what they want. Just as Christian told Ana he wasn’t going to touch her until she told him exactly how she wanted to be touched. Huh – think I’ll try that!!!

      Reply
  28. wendy

    Ok I have to say the spike in our sex life YES however the problem now is that not only can I never ask for a back rub or a neck rub without him thinking….”ohhhh she is in the mood” but now I can not be caught READING….I love to read but as soon as he sees my kindle he thinks “Game on Baby”

    Reply
  29. Elle

    Are you women serious? When was the last time your husband cared that you were feeling cold, fatigued or hurt by something he’s done? Aside from the spine tingling, utterly amazing sex scenes… It is INCREDIBLE that a MAN could LOVE a woman and cherish her in such a way that it takes your breath away! That’s what is so AMAZING about Christian Grey! It isn’t very often you find a man who is good looking and so powerful but yet so emotional that he NEEDS you around to keep him sane. Ladies, I love my husband to the ends of this earth but when sunday NFL is on, he could care less about my hunger, sex drive or upset feelings. Just sayin’ CHRISTIAN GREY is the perfect man.

    Reply
  30. Kylee

    Okay so first of all I have to admit I am behind the times just a bit, I just started reading the first book last Thursday, with that being said I finished the 3rd book by Sunday! I am so obsessed with Christian Grey, almost to a disturbing point. I loved the books but now it’s all I can think about so I almost wish I wouldn’t have read them. Yes it has helped our bedroom life, but let’s face it my husband will never be Christian. How can one be so over the top over someone who is fictional? There is absolutely nothing about him that turns me off, yes the stalkerish thing would get old but to know that someone cares about you that much…Wow!!
    I feel and sound like a whack job because constantly I am reminding myself that he is so NOT real. I have a problem, I think I need a Christian Grey anonymous support group!
    I have to agree its the whole fantasy, stepping out of my ordinary everyday mommy life to relish in this alternate sexy life they have! I need to start reading something else, soon!

    Reply
    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      Yes, it’s true he is pretty fab, which is why I so enjoy the piece about him in the future where he’s gotten all old and less shiny and new. Read something else that could possibly be more realistic, like Harry Potter :)

      Reply
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  32. Susan

    Loved your comment about waiting for your hubby to open the car door, “Whatcha” waiting for?” That was hilarious, LOL. Whatever happened to chivalry?

    Reply
  33. Alison

    I totally cheated on my husband with Mr grey I even felt aggrieved when i finished the book, problem is it seems that so many women are in loveless relationships and its sad that we have to get lost in a fantasy world just to fell loved.

    Reply
  34. Rob

    I bet you women don’t look at your men the way you used to either. You are no different than a man who cheats and then blames his partner as not being attentive or caring enough. It’s blaming the victim to justify reading such a shallow book. If you are in a loveless relationship, perhaps you should stop thinking about how you deserve to be given lots of money and attention and start giving something back. It is no wonder your relationships are boring and empty, if you are only thinking about yourselves and what a man can do for YOU.

    Reply
  35. kim

    I am currently on the second book and i really have to admit most of my living breathing day is wishing my man would morph into Christian Grey

    I understand you point Rob- but trust me- when you love someone and stay in a relationship for that reason and find the somhow turn into a lazy layabout slob a character like CG becomes almost like a mental escape route. No doubt once i felt my man was my own CG but over time hes taken me for granted- has become lazy and has let himself go yet expects me to shower him with constant love and attention. CG on the other hand does not have to be asked!!.

    Reply
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