Let’s face it, sometimes in-laws can drive us crazy. Mine love to whisper in front of me in a rather loud rendition of whisper… But on Thanksgiving I get them back, or should I say, “I give it back” and isn’t that the point of Thanksgiving?
You see, I’m a poultry-phobe. Yes, I fear fowl, and when cooking it, I’m usually convinced that poultry is simply a bunch of salmonella clumped together in the shape of wings, breasts, turkeys etc. You know, like the way meat was shaped for the McRib? In fact, whenever I see a picture on FB where someone has stupidly stuck an entire raw turkey on their head (and I’ve seen a few), I assume they are going to die.
Anyhoo, as T-Day is always at my house, I get to hover over my MIL and watch her cook the turkey while following her around with disinfecting wipes (which everyone loves). I’m actually surprised my hubby survived Thanksgivings growing up, as my MIL puts her salmonella finger prints on my faucet, soap dispenser, fridge handle, salt and pepper shakers, dog, and so on.
Since this isn’t our first rodeo, my in-laws have learned that I will make this day incredibly difficult if they do not become uber-anal chefs. They’ve told me that they wake up in fear of how the day will go — and that’s how I like it.
Upon their arrival I questioned their motives: “What’s the plan? I need you to lay it out for me.”
MIL: First I’ll wash my hands and I’ll be doing all my seasoning in the roasting pan, so that NO turkey touches the countertops.”
Me: How will you be turning on the faucet to wash your hands or holding the shakers to season the meat?
She looked around, worried, assessing her options and paused a bit too long for my liking.
Me: See, you can’t just jump right in here. I feel like you haven’t thought this thing out very well.
MIL: OK, let’s take a step back.
Me: I will turn on the faucet for you …
And I have fashioned these handy seasoning holders…
I will tell the rest of the story through pictures:
Here my in-laws look happy even though they are playing with food poisoning! I fear they are not very bright.
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My FIL’s “fowl” fingerprints in my paper towels, which must now be trashed! He feels horrible as he hates nothing more than wasting. Watching me throw them away was my version of torture.
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My FIL agreeing to hold his hands like a Doctor until the prep is done.
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Here is my MIL NOT USING the brilliant spice covers I have provided. Points will be docked.
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Ahhh, turkey is in the oven and … Success!
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Hope you have/had a great Thanksgiving (From us to you)!
Jenny from the Blog
I am a poultry phone too, so for turkey day I get the Jennie-O Oven Ready turkey. It goes from freezer to oven, from a bag, and it cooks in a bag. It’s also delicious. Then I can kick back and relax.
Ohhhh I’ll have to look for those. At the end of the meal my mil said she was so happy my kids were finally eating turkey she would like to make one for us every time they come in. I said I don’t think our relationship could handle the stress.
This could not be any more hilarious, and that photo of your mil with the knife put me over the edge! I’m thankful for you making me laugh constantly! I’m thankful that my 83 year old mother in law does dishes after the meal~ Who has whom trained? ;o)
That’s so sweat! Sounds like you’ve got a good deal over there send her my way when she’s done with you ok?
K
But you have to keep her for a while.
They r good sports with great sense of humors! You r very lucky. Mine thought your mother in law article was offensive! And they even posed for pics! I too use paper towels to touch everything when cooking poultry. I guess in their day not as many people died from Samenilla as they do now- lol
I feel like they have been forced to be over the years, good sports, I mean. I’m not the easiest and I don’t hide it. Luckily they mostly embrace it!
Hilarious!
I am the EXACT same way. Cross-contamination is NEVER taken seriously enough!!
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Thank you, I couldn’t agree more!!!
Your story is a hoot! But your table is Martha Stewart fabulous and your MIL’s arms are buff! She’s all smiles for the camera but she seems pretty comfortable with a butcher knife.
Thx Denee. I’m always going for Martha Stewart chic, so I’m glad you noticed. My mil is going for Madonna arms so mission accomplished for both!
Ok, I know I’m supposed to comment on the whole salmonella fear, but I can’t get over your MIL’s toned arms!! I have no idea how old she is, but whatever her age, she looks GREAT! I won’t even say I hope to have arms like that at her age, b/c I hope to have arms like that NOW! I’m going to the gym tomorrow and lifting weights for an hour straight — tell your MIL she has motivated me to pump some iron!! Oh and looks like your Thanksgiving was a success…(frankly I’m also jealous your in-laws did the cooking).
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Emily. I’ll tell her, nothing will make her happier! Btw I’m renting them out price is negotiable…
Dinner was delish! The table was beautiful. Both you and Mil looked stunning but
that knife in your pics was a bit scary. Care to come to “Baits Motel” for a respit?
I’ve been staying at the Baitch motel for years. Is that similar?
Since you haven’t posted since 10:52 AM, I can only assume you are at the Emergency room with food poisoning.
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You’re like a detective.
Finally got a chance to read. Loved it and you and I know all your phobias. Tell Paula she does have great arms…but she knows that.
What do you mean ALL my phobias? As if there’s more than one????
we are cut from the same cloth on this one. I hate hate hate raw meat in general but something about poultry sends me over the edge. I strategically place my cutting boards, roasting pans, etc near the sick so not to drip anywhere that may be missed.
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