Let’s Name Our Dog Butt Munch!
My children are in that phase where all words referring to bodily functions and private parts are hilarious to think of, let alone utter. I call it the Beavis and Butthead phase, and I am eagerly awaiting it’s passing. However, I am not holding my breath as it appears my husband never actually outgrew it himself. So, with that in mind, we were trying to think of names for our new puppy. I am throwing out the more traditional names like Max and Charlie. Jake says, “Let’s name him Gary.” Okay, not where I was going but, a name nonetheless. I say, “How about Copper or Cinnamon?”
Ryan: “I have a great idea, how about Cinnamon Toast Weiner?”
All: Ha ha ha, lots of laughs.
OK, game on.
Jake: “How about Tushie-Face?”
Ryan: “Hee hee, good one Jake.”
Minutes go by and Ryan comes running across the park and screams for all the other families to hear, “Listen listen, we should name our dog Vagina.”
Jake: “Yeah, we’d be like, ‘Come hear Vagina. Sit Vagina.’”
I am making every attempt not to make this into a big deal and give it too much attention, but the attention we’re getting is making me uncomfortable. “Could we keep this conversation down just a little bit?” Then I went on to suggest more realistic names. I know I’m a party pooper. Hee Hee…I wrote pooper.
Well, if anyone isn’t a party pooper, it’s my husband.
Mark: “I know – we should name it Penis, and then when people say, ‘Jake what are you doing?’ you could say, ‘Oh, I’m just playing with my Penis.’”
Mind you this is a concept a 7yr old would not come up with on his own volition, but it didn’t take long for him to catch on.
Jake: “Yeah…Hey hey hey, listen. I could say ‘I just taught my Penis to fetch.’”
All, but me: HEHEHEHE HAW HEW HAW HAHA -and tear filled laughter.
Ryan: “That’s not fair, ‘cause I don’t have a penis, I have a heinie.”
Taking Ryan’s penchant for the word vagina into consideration, I decide this is the wrong time for an anatomy lesson.
My husband is finally aware of the wrong turn this conversation has taken, and reeled it in by suggesting a name we can really use: Butt Munch. Ah, the ever popular with the pre-teen set, Butt Munch.
All but me: HA HEE HEE HE HA HE HEW HAW HA.
This idea sparked tons of laughter and affirmation. First of all, my children had never been exposed to this term, so they found a special joy in both it’s profanity and it’s originality. They beamed with pride as if their father, king of the potty mouths, had just coined it. Secondly, they liked the way it just rolled so easily off of their tongues. “Butt Munch. Come here Butt Munch. Sit Butt Munch. Bad Butt Munch.”
Ryan: At the top of her lungs, “Jake you’re a Butt Munch.”
Jake: “No Ryan, you’re a Butt Munch.”
Me: “No Daddy’s a Butt Munch… thanks Mark!”
Mark: “Please, they could be saying much worse.”
Me: “Perhaps you should teach it to them. Jake doesn’t know Mother Fucker, maybe you could remedy that.”
For the last two weeks Jake has told everyone willing to listen that Ryan wanted to name our new dog Vagina, and Ryan now uses Butt Munch as a verb, noun, and adjective, sometimes in the same sentence. My friend Susan asked her if she was ready to go home the other day and she replied, “No way, Butt Munch.” I’m so proud.
PS We brought our dog home a couple of days ago, and though Ryan is still calling him Butt Munch, we as a family went with the more traditional, Ass Face. I hope she comes around.
February 9th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
This is definitely the funniest yet. I haven’t stopped laughing and I’m at work, everyone wants to know why I’m in hysterics, with tears rolling down my eyes. I can just picture the whole scenario, not that I haven’t already had the pleasure of hearing it first hand. At least its the dog being defamed, although he’s too cute for that kind of treatment.
February 9th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
If my memory serves me correctly, not too long ago you would have been the first to offer up those names
. Very funny story!!! By the way, Ass Face is an adorable dog!!!!
February 9th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
That’s the funnest thing I have read in a long time!! Thanks for reminding everyone that our families aren’t the only ones that have conversations about poop, body parts and boogers! Made my Monday!
February 9th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
I can see you at the park now with Ryan calling the dog: “Ass Face! Get over here! At least with Butt Munch you can shorten it to just Munch. When people ask, just say the dog’s named after Richard Belzer’s character from “Homocide: Life on the Street.”
February 9th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
cute story. clicked over from linkedin. i love this line, “They beamed with pride as if their father, king of the potty mouths, had just coined it”
February 9th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
Oh sweetie—unfortunately I am so with Jake, Ryan, and Mark on this one—as per my 25 random things about me!!!! I think that all of those names are appropriate and the Jenny I knew would never had shied away from some stuck-up vaginas in a park…no way, no how. Oh sorry I have to run and take Cunnilingus for a walk!!!
Love ya—and always love the laugh!
February 9th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
p.s. Butt Much—Mother Funcker—Cunnilingus is the cutest pup ever!!!! Congrats and give him some smooches for me!
February 10th, 2009 at 1:40 am
hope the 3 boys in your family pass throgh this phase and spare the poor dog from the shame of being named after some anatomical orifice!
February 10th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I love it, Jenny. It keeps getting better. Thanks. I can really use the laughs.
Mike
February 10th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
It’s good to see a fathers participation, raising the kids. Maybe a little
Less would be better, naming the dog. U think? The article was great. Everyone in starbucks thinks I’m a little nuts. Tanner might be a name more appropriate for the dog. Much more dignified than Potty Heads or the chldrens choices. Funny, funny, funny.
February 10th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Ahh, one along the lines of my dog’s name when I was young…shit head. Or hoser. Or hose head. Too many viewings of Strange Brew… Kids these days – where are they NOT learning such things?!
They probably haven’t even heard of Cornholio or Ren & Stimpy’s “Log.”
February 11th, 2009 at 3:14 am
Mom Blogs – Blogs for Moms…
…
February 11th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
I am just happy to see that you are still attentive to the vocabulary lessons for your children but I did feel there was a lack of fart references in this posting.
February 11th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Jenny,
You’re hysterical! I always named my dos really wild things Mike, Sam and Andy. Butt Munch sounds moe realistic if you ask me….can’t all dogs do that?
By the way does Jake have “heinie envy”?
February 12th, 2009 at 1:01 am
I could hardly finish reading this last one out loud to my hubby. Tears are streaming down both of our faces and we had to shut the door before we woke the kids back up, we were laughing so hard. We are hooked. Keep em’ coming. Hugs to B.M.
February 13th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
[...] admin added an interesting post today on Let#39;s bName/b Our bDog/b Butt Munch! | Suburban JungleHere’s a small readingMy children had quite an interesting conversation picking a bname/b for our new puppy. You might not believe me, but it went just like this: [...]
February 13th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Terrific post. We could probably start a list of interesting dog nicknames.
One of my Border Collies answered rather nicely to pud whacker…
February 16th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Funny story and your youngest child, your husband is my hero. But? But? What about the puppy’s feelings? He doesn’t want to be called Butt Munch! The other dogs will make fun of him and point tails and bark things behind his Butt Munch!
February 25th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Hysterical! Just found your blog and LOVE it! Your Aussie is precious even if he ends up being called Butt Munch.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:54 am
Gosh, that poor dog! LMAO
April 1st, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Thank you I needed that laugh!It brought back many memories too.I am looking forward to when my grandsons do this to my sons.. Payback is being a grandma!
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:15 am
I’ll not even repeat the list of nicknames under current consideration for our dogs