How I Got Here -the cliffnotes

I was born on a snowy day in 1973. Ah, I remember it well; let me tell you all about it. What, you don’t want to hear about my life from birth till this moment? Well, just know that if you happen to write and publish your life story, I will never read it. And if you sell the story rights I will never watch the movie. NEVER!

So went to college and grad school, was abnormally brilliant. Did absolutely zero with my degrees. I could say it wasn’t cost effective, but the multitude of scholarships I received took care of school and my pricey shopping habit.

After school I fled to NYC to be with a boy. There I did a Broadway show. Did I say B’way? I meant off-Broadway. Did I say off Broadway? While doing that I started a fortune 500 liquor company, I mean I bartended. I married the boy, and then actually started 2 very successful businesses, Fit To Be Tied (personal shopping), and Jenny B Good (jewelry), maybe you’ve heard of me?

I have written for as long as I can remember, crazy stories, twisted stories, funny stories. In college I earned extra dough writing speeches for roasts, weddings, and Bar and Bat Mitzvah candle lightings. I earned more, however as a Bacardi Girl, shooting tee shirts our of a bazooka type thingy from a stage.

I have journaled on and off since the 2nd grade, thinking it would be something I would give to my children. In high school I realized my journals were filled with things that would sear their innocent little eyes, so I hid them.

When my son was born he cried for 8 months straight, non-stop, without break, continuously, chronically, quite a bit. So I would write these column style articles about all the little things, to keep myself sane, and away from my 14 story window ledge.

Then I left the big city for the Florida ‘Burbs and I am entrenched in suburban life.  The only thing I don’t have is a minivan and that’s due to the requirement that one must then put pictures of each of their family members in sticker form on the back windshield. I have such a problem knowing how many kids and pets you have, plus their names and hobbies merely because I’m behind you at a stop sign.

Now, I am a suburbanmom, who has recently realized that I can no longer go braless to the grocery store. My business is oddly of interest to all. News of my child’s strep throat travels faster on neurotic mom phone trees than news of an upcoming hurricane.

That’s why I started this blog.  I find the humor in the everyday and it keeps me sane. That, and I live in a one story house. So every time I jump out a window, I consider it an opportunity to clean up the toys in the yard.

My influences are comedians:

Seinfeld- for his observations about nothing
Jon Stewart-for his brilliant quick wit
Early SNL-for it’s drug induced insanity
Sara Silverman-for her balls
The Tin Man-for his heart, that was with him all the time…

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One thought on “How I Got Here -the cliffnotes

  1. Rachel,backngroovemom

    Well – no minivan or I would not room with you.
    Sarah Silverman admiration – that we have in common.
    Xo

    Reply

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