Here’s the progression of pretty much every child on “Take Your Child To Work Day,” which in my house has become, “let your kids stay home for no reason and entertain them while you get nothing done day” but, there was a time when my kids went to the office with Mark and it went something like this. (I imagine it looks the same in offices across the land): Continue reading
One of the joys of parenthood is having your children point out your imperfections with brutal honesty. Some days your kids can unwittingly rival the meanest playground bully. Continue reading
When I had my first child, I wanted to do everything by the book. I was so nervous that the tiniest misstep would somehow break the baby. In fact, one of my first pieces was about how shocked I was that they just let me leave the hospital with this infant.
What were they thinking?
I had no clue what to do with him. In fact, Continue reading
That’s my confession. Barbie hasn’t fiendishly ruined my daughter’s self image — quite the opposite — she’s helped her learn to solve problems, to be accepting, to stretch her imagination, and to have compassion.
As a card carrying Gen-Xer, I had an obsession with Barbies. I played with them until I was nearly 14, which I try not to admit in public because at that age, your Barbies are basically having make-out sessions that lead to awkward Barbie hookups, which is both ironic and also impossible – hello, has anyone seen Ken’s crotchal region?
This is what I’ve realized as I’ve aged… Though I have an uncanny ability to remember theme songs to sitcoms and John Hughes movies, verbatim, I have no ability to remember where I left my keys, the names of people I see on a daily basis, what pending appointments I have, or why I just walked into this room?! I’ve also realized one can get hair on their pinky toes, WTF is that?
SO, in the name of “Full Disclosure About Utterly Stupid Shit I’ve Done,” I give you my momnesia moments - Just don’t judge me, as I’m not the only numskull … My awesome Facebook Followers added some… (they will one day keep me company in a padded room). Or we can all blame Mommy Brain together.
The following convo highlights the difference between men and women.
So, I got this new Jord watch which I’m kind of obsessed because it’s wood and I love wood jewelry and everyone that’s seen it has complimented it and marveled at the fact that it’s wood.
Mark was like, “You realize this is the first time in years when your watch has had the actual time?”
Me: Yeah, it’s weird.
Mark: What’s weird is that you wear watches that don’t work.
Me: They work, they just need batteries or they have to be shaken like once a day – and I find that tedious, plus I use my phone for the time.
Mark: So why do you even wear a watch if it has no function?
Me: It does… A. My wrist would feel funny without one and B. It completes my outfits.
Mark: So you’re not wearing it to perform its intended function, you’re wearing it because it would look funny without it?
Me: Yep, do you really think I enjoy wearing heels everyday and sinking into the playground sand? No, I wear them because I’ve found I look stumpy in flats (cankles) and also towering over people makes me feel superior.
Mark: Well we both no your bras have no real function, but you wear them.
Me: Ha, that was really witty, 12 year old boy.
Mark: Guys just don’t think the same way. There are no men who would wear things that don’t serve a function.
Me: Really, what about pimps? Continue reading