NFD. Last night, while talking to my dad on Face Time, he mentioned that he’d had a busy week and was finally able to catch up on all my posts and articles.
Me: Good. (Please tell me this isn’t going where I think it’s going?)
Dad: Loved the one about the ridiculous things you’ve had to say to your kids … did you get the toothpaste off the cat?
Me: (Phew, we are not going there.) It was someone else’s cat, but I was told she’s minty fresh. We’re thinking of toothpasting our pets, as well.
Dad: I also read your Facebook stuff.
Dad: In the future, I’d love a little heads up. I’m still a dad, and would prefer not to see some of the stuff you write, you know?
Me: Yeah about that… THAT WAS ACTUALLY A REFERENCE TO THIS:
(if you don’t see a humiliating FB status below, push “allow popups” on top it’s just a status or click the word post below to see it – it’s worth it, for real.)
So, that happened.
(I was immediately transformed into my 12 year old self, uncomfortably listening to my dad lecturing me and explaining why he would be writing a letter to our congressman about my ability to get my hands on the smuttiest, awesomest piece of trash any 80s tween/teen had laid their eyes on, Judy Bloom’s infamous, Forever.)
Dad: As your dad, I only think you’ve done it twice and you have two kids and that’s Dad Math. which is why I’d like a warning like “Not for Dad’s eyes, at the beginning.” Especially, when you’re talking about …
All, I can think is, My dad just referenced my sex life, if he says “handjob” I may need to have my ears sterilized.
Dad Cont.: I mean, I’m no prude.
OK, so we avoided the handjob reference, but I’m pretty sure my dad just said “prude” soooo gross. Worse than hearing my mom say titties, which was really pretty disgusting… And he said, “prude” in the context of letting me know he understands sex stuff, double gross.
Me: Yes, I see your point, I shall put NFD (Not for Dad) on those types of things, OK?
I hung up and had to shake that conversation off myself, like sooty dust that settled on me. Which led me to imagine how yucky it must have been for my dad to read about me Something about Mary-ing my husband’s semen in my hair (jokingly or not).
I’m pretty sure he’s writing a letter to his congressman.
I’m writing one to my therapist.
PS – If you don’t follow the page on FB your missing a lot of self incriminating stuff!. Just click on the post and it will take you to the page.
Stories You May Like:
- 80s Characters from My Childhood Then and Now – WTF Happened?
- 5 Things Gen Xers Did Growing Up That Our Kids Wouldn’t Understand
XO – Jenny From the Blog