Category Archives: comedy

Dermaplaning — Why Women Could Use a Shave

DermaplaningAs part of my new “Is This Really a Thing and if So Should We All Go Out and Try It?” series I’m talking about dermaplaning. So, in case you don’t know what dermaplaning is, I’ll tell you: It’s a medical exfoliation process where the outermost layers and dead skin cells are (shaved) removed from your face — which includes the peach fuzz hairs we all have. You know the ones that every once in a while catch the light the right way in a mirror and make you feel like some weird albino sasquatch?

Yeah, those.

I’m pretty sure they’re on your face for a reason. Like to catch deadly skin eating bacteria before they reach your skin or to make fun of the small hairs on your upper-lip that are never as light.

Whatever the purpose, the consensus seems to be that your face will be way awesomer when without them. I hate technical terms.

Here are the claims:

  • Your skin will look more refined, brighter, and less flawed.
  • Foundation goes on smoother making the face look more even.
  • It allows other products to penetrate the skin more easily to ensure they go deeper and may be good to do before a chemical peel or laser treatment.
  • It diminishes superficial dryness, fine lines, hyper-pigmentation, and mild acne scarring.
  • It’s great for people who are sensitive to the chemicals in peels or get broken capillaries from exfoliants (or if you’re pregnant or breastfeeding).
  • Dermaplaning is similar to, but usually more effective than dermabrasion, with the added bonus of removing facial fuzz and no need for abrasives.
  • It can stop breakouts caused by build up of oil and dirt in the follicles.

I know, I’m making my appointment too.

Be aware, this process involves someone taking a scalpel to your skin directly. You should make sure that someone is highly trained and doesn’t have any grudges against you (that’s a tip).

Thoughts? Should we try it? Are you ready to shave your face ladies? Have you? Should I? (Frankly, I really sold myself on this process, in writing this piece and I think it would make a great video.)

I have a column on anti-aging (the only thing I’m anti) at Smart Beauty Guide if you want to hear about stuff I’ve tried, want, obsess over or learned about from people who are way smarter than myself:




I Was Not the First Person to Think of Cat Boxing and Other Crappy Ideas

So, in yesterday’s post, Why They Should Have Cat Boxing at Camp or What Happens When You Have to Send Letters about your Boring Summer, I had a stroke of brilliance. Unfortunately, I was not the first — and so, I cannot take credit for inventing “Cat Boxing.” Of course, I’d like to because let’s face it, it’s pretty ingenious. I guess exceptionally gifted *genii like myself should expect set backs in a world where most of the thoughts have already been thunk. Therefore, I’ve added some addendum’s to yesterday’s post to ensure that I don’t get sued by rabid cat lawyers. Continue reading

Binge Watching TV Has Turned Me Into The Paranoid, Drunk, Lesbian I am Today

binge watching tvOver the years I’ve let some pretty stellar entertainment pass me by, like: Breaking BadWeedsLost, Shameless, Game of ThronesHomeland, Mad Men … due to this crazy thing called life. You know life, right? The whole raising a family, having a job, trying to maintain a certain age, weight, and level of sanity (though your body fights you on it) thing? Yeah, that.

I’ve heard how enthralling and addictive these shows are but life got in the way. Well, that’s over. I’ve pretty much given up my life lately to binge watch some of these shows, so that I can have more stimulating conversations with people five years ago.

That said, I’ve found a strange effect from binge watching shows, aside from the one that makes me appear comatose and unresponsive. I start to feel like a character in these shows. Like they’re actually affecting my personality. For instance …

1) While I watched 8,000 episodes of Breaking Bad in, like, a week, Continue reading

A Tale of Two Titties – Mine (A Hilarious Breast Cancer Awareness Month Tale and Reminder)

After a lump scare in my late-20′s, I learned that all lumps are not the C-word and it’s totally okay to get to 2nd base with yourself!

two tittiesLet me tell you a tale, a tale of two titties (oh, how that word makes me cringe, but it’s so much better for the pun)…

After finding a pea sized lump and getting a needle biopsy, I was told that like the several million other young women with fibrous breast tissue, I would be required to get a yearly mammogram and ultrasound.

I’d heard horrible tales of the mammogram and it’s crushing pain. I feared the impending torture and dreaded that, what little my child bearing and breastfeeding had left unscathed, would be permanently altered.

By the time my appointment had rolled around, the fear of having something less benign than a fibroid cyst had started to set in, as well.  If I can produce one kind of growth with no knowledge of it, why can’t I produce another kind?

While contemplating in the waiting room, I saw a woman, not a day under 100.  OK, if she can do this, so can I, I thought, resigned to get through this. Continue reading

Happy Fathers Day to my Stubborn Hubby From Your Bitchy Wife

cat couple card

I know, you’re like, bring on the water works.  I mean with a title like that there’s bound to be a sentimental, emotionally charged poem to follow, right?  Well, you’ll have to see, but (Spoiler Alert), probably not .  Not all of us have perfect marriages.  Frankly, most of us don’t and I kinda think that’s OK.  There’s some value in being a sometimes sucky wife –  just ask my hubby…

I’m like many of you – going at the last minute to buy some cheesy cards that cost $5 bucks a pop and do little more than add to deforestation. I avoid the overly-sweet ones with watercolor painting on the front because my marriage isn’t perfect and the sentiments in those cards don’t quite reflect my feelings. So, I go with humor.

In fact, I’ve noticed that my husband and I have this weird tendency to re-buy the same multi-fold-out cards for each other on our respective holidays year after year.

The Father’s day card has a cat couple and it goes something like this: Continue reading

15 Tips to Help Moms Survive Life in Suburbia

15 Rules to Survive Life in the Suburbs #humor #mom #funny #suburbia #suburbsNearly a decade ago, I moved to the suburbs from NYC (it’s the sole reason I started my blog).  In that time I’ve learned some pretty important things to ensure my survival, nay, my sanity.

If my ‘burb sent out a handbook it would look something like this. Feel free to use it as a mini-survival guide. Good luck and in the words of that guy on Hill Street Blues, ‘Hey, let’s be careful out there.’

  1. All children must be signed up for multiple sports and extracurricular activities, to ensure that no family can plan anything on a Saturday until their kids are too old to want to spend Saturday’s with their family.
  2. Do NOT be alarmed if you try to enter the wrong minivan or SUV, this is common. Try to lessen the confusion by putting fun stickers on your back windshield representing each of your children performing their favorite activity.
  3. You can paint your house one of 477 shades of tan.  Other colors will be categorically denied, so don’t even try it!
  4. If your child has strep or hand foot and mouth, be aware that the entire town will know about it before you get his/her prescription filled. PS this same urgency in passing news applies to affairs as well!
  5. As a suburban mom you are expected to start some kind of craft business immediately. Your choices are: hair accessories, jewelry, embellished clothing, or things you can print on card stock — anything else must be cleared through the Chamber of Commerce.
  6. If you already have a job, you are expected to purchase these crafted goods, in bulk, at the myriad of local holiday boutiques that celebrate everything from Ramadan to Flag Day.  Like PTA meetings, being absent is frowned upon.
  7. If you do not find a grocery store or Starbucks within one mile of your current position, you’re lost and have entered an inferior neighborhood! Please stay calm and return to your suburb immediately.
  8. You are required to join a gym.  There, you must take spin classes with disco lighting, pretzel yourself into a reformer, and learn the art-form that is Zumba.
  9. You will be expected to pressure clean anything and everything from your sidewalk to your dog. Be prepared.
  10. Make sure your dog is cute, as neighbors will constantly stop to pet it. Be warned, the same neighbors will turn you in to the association the first time Rufus barks after 9PM. (Don’t name your dog Rufus)
  11. Make an immediate trip to lululemon/Athetica/GapBody/Target … and pick up workout/athletic/golf/tennis gear that’s trendier than simply wearing sweatpants.  Wear these goods at least 50 -100% of the time; in the winter, simply wear your athletic gear with Uggs.
  12. You will need to attend a mind-numbing amount of birthday lunches/dinners for ladies turning anywhere from 30-50.  Get there early, as who you sit next to (or don’t sit next to) can make or break your day.
  13. Cut back on sex ASAP, as you will find yourself in conversations where moms discuss their infrequent, and unsatisfying sex life regularly — at lunches, parties, dinners, play-dates.
  14. And stop giving blow-jobs! People in the ‘burbs are only expected to give them on birthdays and anniversaries (it’s one of the perks).
  15. Living in the ‘burbs is a little like reading Us Weekly: Everything is sensationalized. It’s fun to discuss “who wore it best,” but not as much fun as playing Fashion Police. You will find yourself looking for cellulite/wrinkles on young skinny moms. And gossip is treated as gospel.

I hope this helps you fit into the suburban life you’ve chosen.  Maybe I’ll see you at the next boutique sale — I’ll be selling picture frames with random findings glued on to them!




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Glum to Glam Mom Makeover | The Jenny Isenman Show

How many moms are stuck in the “Mom Uniform” rut: Grabbing the first pair of comfy sweats/jeans, throwing on a quickie tank/sweater, tying your hair in a pony, slapping on a little gloss, and darting out the door?

The answer: Too many.

Which is why I’ve made a conscious effort NOT to fall into that “mom trap.” OK I’ll admit, I have donned workout wear simply to get out the door when I had no intention of coming within 100 yards of a gym or treadmill. I’m only slightly ashamed of that trick, as I feel it makes me seem motivated, gives me an excuse for not putting together a trendy outfit, and I look a hell of a lot better than I would if I’d actually worked up a sweat! We’ll call it workout glam!

Listen, I’ve given up many things since becoming a mom: perky boobs, solo trips to the restroom, an enormous amount of hair (I had no idea how much hair I would lose after pregnancies) … but the one thing I refuse to give up is being glam.

If that means my stilettos dig deeper and deeper into that weird rubber mulch you find at new playgrounds, so be it. I don’t care if someone has to siphon me out of that veritable quicksand, that little bit of glam is all I have left!

This week, on my show, I get to be the expert! Yes, I impart some of my favorite tips to get a little extra glam (don’t worry, no stilettos are involved). I simply tell you how to enhance your look and glam yourself up, whether you’re “snack mom” at a soccer game or you’re spending Saturday night out with the hubs.

I’ve listed my absolute favorite products below to coincide with the video and my best tips. ENJOY! PS you’ll get to see all my phases of trying to emulate hair-styles of the celebs from “The Dorothy Hamill” to …


1. A girl’s best friend – “Chicken Cutlets” AKA boob enhancers.  These are great whether you want to go up a size or fill in volume loss and sagging … plus they bounce baby!
Takeouts silicone bra inserts ($48 Bare Necessities)



2. Loooooong lashes – Kim K is not the only one who likes the look of falsies! Lashes enhancing is a must. Yes, I’ve written out how to apply the fakes, but for a quick and easy “I’m a mom, I don’t have time to glue lashes on, ” fix — try Too Faced Better than False Lashes system ($35 Sephora). OK, you’ll need to make 3 passes, but the extra 15 seconds is worth it.


3. A good foundation is the key to many things (younger looking skin, included). My best secret EVER: Purchase the Temptu foundation ($25 Sears) that’s used for airbrush make up machines and apply it with a regular makeup brush or your fingers. It’s amazing because it’s meant to spread super thin via airbrush, plus it’s silicone based, which means it won’t clog pores, and lasts all day. You used to only be able to get it at professional makeup artist stores and sites, but now they’re selling it at Sear! Makeup and a power-drill in the same place, how convenient! 


4.  Accentuate the positives – a quick highlighter at the top of the cheekbone (like seen in the video) can help make you look more glowy and alert, even if you were up with the baby half the night! I love Moon Beam by Benefit ($26 Sephora)

 5.  Hair enhancements – EVERY celeb has these, whether it’s a clip on set of bangs, some strips of color, a braid to accentuate their whimsical side, or extra mane for length or volume. I loooove the clip-ins because they don’t damage your hair and they’re shockingly easy to do! I recommend the virgin human hair. I got mine at Aztig, Sheila (the owner) specializes in extensions.  She can ship them to be matched and cut by your stylist of she can do a color match for you with photographs.