You guys probably already know this, aside from being a stressed out mom, I’m a Gen X Lifestyle Expert, which means part of my job entails nostalgically recalling all the fun things that came out from the 70s, 80s, and 90s … and I do so with love and a somewhat sick obsession. Which is why I can’t understand why all the totally awesome characters that were popular with my generation needed to be glittered, glammed, and slutified for my kids.
Do you remember the innocence of Polly Pocket, how she just bent at her midsection? The chubby cheeks of a Rainbow Brite and her color gang? Of course you do, because that was what made them adorable and innocent, like we were (or claimed to be… Barbie and Ken had a lot of nude makeout sessions in my Barbie Dreamhouse).
They didn’t look like they were on their way to go clubbing with Ke$ha. They didn’t have curves and they certainly didn’t don body-hugging unitards that Miley would call too racy for an awards show performance.
I get it, I’ve seen how racy and slutty are in these days, hello MTV awards. Look, my daughter is currently obsessed with Bratz, which are pretty much the sluttiest Barbie-esque dolls ever! Not only do they scream “No means yes,” their accessories include cocktails and cellphones, though it looks like some of them should come with an IUD instead … or at least a morning-after pill. To keep up with the sexified doll craze and the Disney stars gone porn, it seems the nostalgic characters of our youth are trying to enter the clubs scene, the kid’s club scene, that is.
1. Strawberry’s Milkshake Brings All The Boys to the Yard
Strawberry has traded her Amish style “I churn my own butter” bonnet for a French beret, silky locks, and a svelte figure. I don’t know if Custard would recognize her.
2. Rainbow Brite Raids Nicki Minaj’s Closet
Remember Rainbow and her basically androgynous crew, the color kids? They were so cute and pinchable. Now they’re sexy, tatted up teens that you could pinch … if you wanna risk being arrested for statutory rape.
Plus, I’m pretty sure Nicki wore Rainbow’s outfit in Willow Smith’s “Fireball” video.
3. Polly Pocket Goes from Playdates to Prom
Once a cute little tchotchke, Polly and her friends are now decked out for the dance. In my day she was thinking, “Hmmm, vanilla or chocolate?” Now, she’s thinking, “It’s a night to remember.” (Really, it says it on the box. I’m kinda concerned that she’s carrying a condom in her clutch. Scratch that, I’m concerned she’s not.)
4. My Little Pony Gets ‘Plastic’ Surgery
Remember when those sweet Little Ponies were all doe-eyed and didn’t look so … anorexic? Between the obvious lipo, the tummy tuck, the attitude adjustment, and the eye-job, you’d think they were on an episode of The Swan. Frankly, I think they could use a cheeseburger. Where’s a Bronie when you need one?
5. Lego Goes From Blockhead Brick to Brazen Babe
Yes, the one on the left is supposed to be a girl. I know, she looks more like Pat from SNL, but look how she’s grown. In 2012 Lego Friends was introduced to interest girls in playing with the “boyish” blocks. Wasn’t the fun of Legos the boxy charm? Is nothing sacred?
6. Holly Gets a New Hobby
I don’t even remember Holly having a face (well, little more than a profile). That sweet country girl with her rag dress and her farmhouse animals in tow wasn’t much of a talker, but now she’s dealing with gossip, boys, and mean girls.
Well, good for her, I always worried she’d become a reclusive cat lady.
7. Monchhichi Goes to Rehab
Let’s face it, Monchhichi’s had some bad habits … the constant thumb and toe sucking was cute, but revamp that oral fixation into a penchant for sucking down mini-bar-sized bottles of Jack and late nights with Amanda Bynes, and I may have to rethink my Gen X status. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.
I have to be honest, I do think all the dolls got a lot cuter (a lot) some of those chicks were pretty schlumpy back in the day … but nostalgically speaking, I’m rocking somewhere in a corner.
Who was your fave character back then?
Go Ahead, Share it With A Gen Xer — You Know You Wanna
XO- Jenny From the Blog